What I wish I always knew

I've been figuring things out about sex and love over the past few years. It might not seem like it, but I have been. I know none of these are really that revolutionary or anything, but they're all super important points that have helped me get happy as a single gal.

1. Everything is normal. Consensual sex, although not always healthy, is normal. Even the kinky shit. So before you go around saying what's repulsive and what's sexy, try that shit out.

2. There are a million different kinds of relationships. Probably a lot more. Some of them aren't healthy, some of them are disgusting and abusive. But there are a variety of types of relationships that ARE really healthy, and they don't always come in the package you expect. Forcing your relationship to emulate what you recognize from all those romantic comedies you've seen is way more tragic than being single. Believe me, I know this from personal experience.

3. Just because someone loves you, that doesn't mean the sex is going to be good. Alternately, just because the sex is good, that doesn't mean that somebody loves you.

4. On that same vein, the way that love manifests itself is different for every person you fall for. I continually notice myself falling into this pattern of playing along with what I recognize as love (according to my experiences) as opposed to letting it form itself according to the specific person I have those feelings for. It is incredibly stressful to keep trying to force something to fit into your plan.

5. This one is really the most painful realization: There is no such thing as a soul mate. It is all up to me to pick my relationships, and that is totally fine. There is a possibility I will someday get married, and also a possibility that the man I marry will turn out to be a coke-head that eventually runs off to Thailand to fuck 14-year-old she-males. But he might turn out to be a totally great father and maker of excellent sandwiches. I have no idea at this point. There is also a possibility I will fall madly in love with a 70-year-old lesbian. Maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. Or maybe I will meet a nice group of turtles and want to spend the rest of my life taking care of them. I have no idea what, where, how, why, or when I'm going to find romance. Or if. And that is completely normal.

P.S. Let's use condoms to keep it extra normal, okay guys?

love letter

My darling,
I hate myself for loving you, Acne Atacoma wedge ankle boots. You are so delicious. It's times like this, staring into your leathery goodness, I feel like I could change the fucking world upon slipping you onto my feet.
Together, you and I could fight crime, rescue kittens from trees, feed the hungry... I'll tie your marvelous little laces down by my ankles and I'll just know nothing bad can ever happen.
Oh God, Acne Atacoma wedge ankle boots. Why is the world trying to keep us apart? What's wrong with loving each other so much it makes us want to karate chop people in the face and jump off of buildings onto other buildings?
But don't get me started on your band of silver... that fucking silver is so beautiful I want to never look at anything ever again. Sure, maybe people will think it's gaudy, and it probably is a bit too much. But honestly, when you and I are finally together, and I'm staring down at you from an uncomfortably high altitude, we won't pay attention to what anyone says. We belong together.

Forever yours, Natalie

Drove to Reno on a whim

My only photo from my mini vacation to Reno this weekend is this one of my friend Ed pulling a wagon with a flower behind his ear. I started to think I should be taking more pictures, but then I remembered this: "A way of certifying experience, taking photographs is also a way of refusing it-- by limiting experience to a search for the photogenic, by converting experience into an image, a souvenir." Susan Sontag, On Photography

This is your brain on redbull

Finals week... stressed as fuck but still making myself laugh. I've got my priorities straight!

I'm Brogging

Brogging = Blogging in your Bra

Sometimes you just gotta take a picture

Freaking awesome still life!!

These Diesel ads continue to baffle me. Stupid has balls? Shut up!

Fried chicken curing cancer-- WTF

I've got my nattypack right here!

Because you totally want an explosion near your eye, am I right?

Sequins and Champagne at 10 am

Trannyshack: Reno 2010 was fucking out of sight. I knew it would be awesome, but I didn't know I would have my definition of awesome totally redefined. We started our little journey at 10 am in San Francisco, and partied on the bus (bus dancing>dancing on solid ground). Wish I had more pics of the scandalous shit that went down Saturday night in Reno!! In short: I stayed out late (NO LAST CALL? WTF RENO?), made new friends, drank a lot, danced my ass off, drank some more and went home with a smile on my face.

Nothing comes between me and my Buster

This weekend was out of control. I love having a reason to stay out 'till the sun comes up. Best easter ever! I made so many new pals. Pictures from Trannyshack: Reno coming soon.

I hate poetry

(But maybe you'll like it...)


I would want nothing more
than to hear bells again
than to watch sunflowers bursting open
the chirping of quails and the biting scent of eucalyptus
I would want nothing more
than to feel my stomach turning
my hair hanging across my smiling face
like brambles
untouched
I would want nothing more
than to stop speaking altogether
to drive through the sunsets
and down winding roads
with he in the driver's seat
a halo 'round his head

Holy shit

I am freaking out on these shoes. I saw them probably 6 months ago and loved them then. I just came across them online and discovered that they are actually called Natalie. Blue suede heeled sandals??? Yes, please. I will have these by summer. My princess salary is going to allow me a little bit of incredible footwear... did I mention I got a job as a princess? Yeah. I know. It's awesome!!

Ethnicity and Race

I have a nasty little habit of not responding when standardized tests or official forms ask for my race. I know it's probably lame, but I hate filling in the bubble next to "white, non-hispanic". It makes me feel so vanilla. I'm not vanilla, I'm rainbow sherbet. So I always check "decline to state" or "other". But now, my college is forcing me to tell them... OR ELSE. I just got this email from Student Records:

Dear Student,

When you first applied at CCA, you were asked to voluntarily identify
your race/ethnicity as part of the application process. However, the
Department of Education has recently issued new guidelines which
mandate changes in the way that colleges collect and report such
information. Therefore, we ask that you now re-identify your race
and ethnicity using the new categories.

The process will take fewer than 2 minutes. The 'Update Ethnicity
and Race Designation' form is available on WebAdvisor on the Students
Menu. The information you report is tightly controlled in a secure
database and is not reported to the federal government with your name
attached - only the summary statistics will be reported. It is very
important that the college be able to accurately report statistics on
it's student body as required by federal law, so we appreciate your
cooperation.

Thank you

Student Records Office.

Oh well, I guess the racial ambiguity party is over.

The little white dog

There is this little white dog I see on my frequent walks/bike rides in Oakland. He always sits in the window on the back of a sofa, watching people pass. Every time I would walk or bike past this house, I would notice a white dog lounging in the window, regardless of the time of day. I always thought, "That is the laziest damn dog I have ever seen." One day I was walking home from school, in a rotten mood, and out of habit I looked for him when I passed the window. He wasn't there. Somehow it made my day a little worse.

So anyway, I had kind of forgotten about that little white dog dog until several days ago when I walked past the house and saw him missing again. I felt a little sad, but as I looked in the window a little dog head poked up from the sofa. And then a second one. And then a third one. It kind of baffled me. The thought had never crossed my mind. The reason there is always a little white dog in the window isn't because the dog is lazy. It's because there are three of him, and there is always one of them taking the time to relax on the couch.

I'm a little jealous.

Two good things and a bad thing

Today two nice things and one awful thing happened.

Nice things first: I adopted a cat!! He is two and a half months (or 10 weeks, I always hate when people say ages in weeks, it throws me) and he's a little black kitty. The other nice thing was I snuggled with a sweet boy. Is it wrong if I'm excited to be able use my cat as an excuse if things don't go well with said boy? Well, for future reference, if I need to leave a party early, or escape a date, it is because of my cat. He needs me. He needs me.

The bad thing that happened is car-related. On the way home from adopting my lovely (black) kitten my car stopped. In the middle of the intersection at 51st and Telegraph. I jumped out and pushed it... sucks. We'll see what happens with that. Ideally, I will wake up in the morning and it will be better. I'm hoping for that. And I'm snuggling with a kitten tonight. I think I'm doing ok.

playground love

has to be one of the sexiest songs of all time.